General Writing | Bethany Maines

There’s a Double Meaning in That

January 28, 2016/in General Writing, Life, The Stiletto Gang

In Much Ado About Nothing Beatrice and Benedick, the worst of rivals, are set up by their friends to fall in love. So that by Act 2, Scene 3, when Beatrice says, “Against my will I am sent to bid you come into dinner,” Benedick believes that Beatrice is madly in love with him, while Beatrice believes him to be an ass. After she exits, he says in all smugness, “Ha! Against my will I am sent to bid you come in to dinner. There’s a double meaning in that.”

Someone I know once asked an English teacher how he knew the author intended the symbolism the teacher was accusing him of. The teacher replied, “It doesn’t matter.” As an author this makes me want to poke him in the eye just a little bit. But in the end he’s right; stories mean something to a reader independent of the writer’s intentions. Each reader brings their own experiences to a book and a writer can’t predict them. So how can an author prevent his readers from pulling a Benedick and seeing double meanings where none are intended?

It’s a very secret and advanced technique called (wait for it): educated guessing. And good beta readers. As an author I try to learn about other points of view, so that I can write stronger more realistic characters and then I rely on my writers group to read through a piece and throw up flags around text that might unintentionally carry a subtext that’s either offensive or poorly thought out. It’s hard to think that something I’ve written could be construed as offensive, because after all, I am I and I’m awesome and I have only the best of intentions. But we all have prejudices or periodically spout unexamined notions that have been fed to us by society.

An easy example is “pink is only for girls”. This statement is both observationally false (been to the mall lately?), and historically inaccurate (pink used to be a boys color). Color is a product of light bouncing off a surface or being absorbed (we see the portion of the spectrum bounced back); any deeper meaning has been assigned to a color by humanity. So unless my character is a sexist and I need him or her to say total nonsense about gender roles, I probably shouldn’t write that and a good beta reader should flag it as a problem. With any luck I can keep the unintentional double meanings to a minimum. I don’t want to be a Benedick.

The Accent Mark Goes… Here

January 23, 2016/in General Writing, Girlfriends Book Club, Life

You know how Madonna now talks with a British accent? And everyone kind of mocks her? It is annoying to have someone you know grew up in Michigan try and sound all posh, but at the same time… I would be the same way. I once realized that I had been watching twenty minutes of a cooking show with an Australian host and I had no idea what was being made. I’d spent the entire time watching her mouth trying to figure out how she was murdering pronouncing her vowels that way. I sounded like a monkey on the couch as I clenched and unclenched my teeth trying “ehhh-oooh-uh” my vowels. I was two seconds away from throwing a shrimp on the barbie when my husband came home and gave me the look that implied that while our marriage was a joy and a blessing, it was also occasionally weird.

The unfortunate thing is that, just as I’m addicted to copying other people’s accents, I find that I’m also prone to picking up the language of whomever I’m reading. I’m sure my writing/reading group can tell when I’ve been reading Regency Romances. One cannot help but be addicted to the opulent turn of phrase. And if I could work some sort of line about puce satin and a cravat into the paragraph all the better. What if I’m reading fluffy chick lit? Pretty sure that my character needs to mention her thighs and a cupcake in the next sentence. Taut thrillers? Sentences get shorter. Characters become brutal. And adverbs? Kill ‘em. Kill ‘em all.

The brutal snuffing out of “suddenly” aside, this habit does real damage to my narratives. Characters don’t sound like themselves (why does that Texan sound English?) and plots can veer wildly off course as I spend a page (or three) describing clothing. So when I’m writing I have to take a bit of a hiatus from reading unless I can find that wondrous book that matches the tone that I’m writing. I think it’s incredibly unfair that my reading has suffered as a result of my writing, but currently it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make. Of course, if I could just figure out how to retire with a million dollars so that I could segregate my year into reading quarters and writing quarters life would be awesome.

Author Diaries: Day 1

December 11, 2015/in City of Destiny, General Writing, Girlfriends Book Club, Life

I was recently sitting with a group of friends discussing a book we’d all read recently (Perfect Likeness by J.M. Phillippe – group consensus: two thumbs up, funny and touching!). But then the conversation turned to whether or not the author had left room for a sequel. Some thought there was definitely going to be a sequel, while others read the slightly open-ended conclusion as the perfect metaphor for the books message about depression. Since we happen to know the author, it was a simple matter of waiting until she returned from the bar with her cocktail, so that we could ask her. But the entire argument reminded me of the very first public reading I did of my own writing.

I was 19 and I’d just won third place in a contest for Just Between You and Me, a short-story of a high-school girl who sells her English teacher a sense of humor. There was an awards ceremony and the top three all read their stories. I was incredibly nervous. I’d practiced, but still read too fast and killed one of the jokes. But by the time I was done, I felt triumphant. I’d read, and people had clapped. And not just people in my family. Actual people.

And then the audience was allowed to ask questions.

Whoever invented audience participation was a sadist. Who wants the audience to participate? Don’t you know that when they participate they ask questions? Questions that I had never considered in the entire breadth of my imagination that anyone would ever actually ask. A few years later, I discovered that I might be a masochist, because audience particpation suddenly seemed fun. But this was my Day 1 as an AUTHOR and I was totally unprepa TheCollective_Kobo-1126x1800 red for THE QUESTION. It was delivered by forty-something guy who seemed to have really enjoyed the story, but asked this doozy: “Did she really sell a sense of humor?”

But… but… that questions the very foundation of my story. If you didn’t buy into the premise how could you like it? I left ambiguity on purpose. Did you not enjoy the ambiguity? Does this mean the story was bad? How do I answer that? What does this meannnnnn???!!! <- insert author confidence down spiral here.
A few years later, with more writing and more experience, I would have replied, “Yes, she did. How did you enjoy your first visit to the Fantasy section of the bookstore? There are many more books like this out there – don’t be afraid to experiment.” Instead, I sort of fish flapped my mouth for a second or two and said something vague like, “That’s something you’ll have to decide for yourself.” Which, again, with more years and writing experience later, I’ve recognized as sub-conscious code for, “I wasn’t able to decide either, but I’m not telling you that, you impertinent person.”

I did eventually decide. Ariana, the young person in question, really did sell a sense of humor. You can read Just Between You and Me and more about Ariana’s adventures in my collection of Tales from the City of Destiny. And as for the sequel status of Perfect Likeness? Well, you will either have to read and decide for yourself, or follow the authors suggested solution – bribery. Preferably with cocktails and cake.

Everybody Rotate

December 10, 2015/in General Writing, Life, The Stiletto Gang

It’s almost time to change the art in my office. I’ve had the same art since I moved in five years ago and it’s now covered in layers of other art. It’s time to relocate, re-shuffle and change up. Maybe you are not one of the people who feels that deep need to redecorate periodically, but I happen to have it in my genes. Returning home to find my mother peeling wallpaper was cause for eyerolling, but not surprise. It works both ways though. On more than one occasion in my teen years I decided to re-arrange my bedroom after midnight. My mother never once questioned these decisions. Because she fully understands that sometimes life would just be better if the furniture were NOT where it is right now.

These are also good occasions for spring cleaning and decluttering. Someone once said that clutter items are just decisions you didn’t make. If you had decided where that item needed to go, it wouldn’t be lingering there on the desk or kitchen table. Although, I suspect that the person who originated that idea never had children. Because the garbage can is not lingering on top my desk; it’s hiding from my toddler.

The problem with decluttering art, is that I’m either removing my own work or the work of an artist I admire. It’s unfortunate, but apparently, I cannot have ALL the art, ALL the time. I’m not a Getty. I don’t get to have my own museum. This makes me infinitely sad. My perfect house would probably look like a library mated with the Guggenheim and married the Orsay. Unfortunately my current house looks more like the product of a library and a 1910 bungalow who married a carpenter in the 1950’s. Which means we have books in piles and art in piles and we had to remove the weird scalloped molding over the sink when we moved in.

So some art will have to go back in the closet and some new pieces will have to get matted for display. And then, maybe, I can get back to writing.

Holiday Strategy

November 13, 2015/in General Writing, Life, The Stiletto Gang

It’s that time of year again. The holidays. Starbucks is apparently hating Jesus because they continued their paired back design aesthetic and put out simple red cups. (Yes, because from Hell’s heart they stab at Christians with a red cup filled with the artfully foamed blood of the saints – muwahhahahahah!!) Black Friday ads are starting to pop up everywhere (stampede!!) and relatives are booking flights and scrambling to arrange schedules so that everyone can see everyone and be annoyed by everyone all in a very short amount of time.

As yet, I have made no moves on the great holiday game board. I’m still trying to determine strategy. Do I try and ride the “I have a baby” thing for another year and do practically nothing? Or do I pull out all the stops and try to get the best gifts EVER for everyone? Should I shoot for every holiday party I’m invited to, or do I try and find out everyone’s dates in advance and RSVP according to the level of food awesomeness at each? Generally, I try and do a really fun Christmas card, but that takes energy, forethought, and great idea for some artwork. Maybe I’ll just skip that one and move straight to the Christmas letter stage where I make friends and relatives barf with the saccharine sweetness and absolute perfection of my life. BECAUSE YOUR ENVY FEEDS MY SOUL. That’s definitely what the holidays are all about, right?

Below are the following factors I’m using for determining my holiday event strategy:

Pie.

Is there pie? If the answer is yes, move to the top of the list.
Is it home made? If the answer is no, then I don’t go.

Sleep.

Will it cause my baby to be awake far longer than a tiny human should be? If the answer is yes, your event will not be considered. Unless there is enormous amounts of pie.

Husband.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how badly is he going to complain about this event? If the answer is ballet, then he will not be attending.
Can I bribe him with pie?

What are your strategies for coping with the oncoming storm? Hunker down or go fly a kite? What is your favorite way to do the holidays?

Entry Fee Collected at the Door

October 30, 2015/in General Writing, Girlfriends Book Club

It’s election season. And you know what that means. Lot’s of people talking smack about candidates, and trying to persuade me to vote, give money, participate, belong, think about the future, just doooooooo something. And it’s true. I should do one or all of those things. After all, isn’t the entry fee to any society the participation in their events?

As I was pondering this deep, philosophical point, I got distracted by an idea on how to create a light saber for my daughters Halloween costume (she’s going to be Yoda) and then I pondered lunch, then work, then I wondered who was in charge of Princess Leia’s hair on set. Was there a hair wrangler? By the time I made it back to democracy, I had clearly demonstrated how easy it is to NOT perform my civic duty – simply get distracted by life. Which led me to wonder, is connecting with the writing community difficult for the same reasons? Do writers miss out on connecting in person, on being a literary citizen, because… Star Wars?

Probably not. My reasons for occasionally not participating in the greater writer community, aren’t generally because I’m building a death star. (Although, really, death star’s take a lot of time, so jeez, get off my back Emperor.) My reasons for not participating usually looks more like this comic from The Oatmeal.

The original entry fee to the writing community, the one I paid when I was quite small, was to read, quietly in the privacy of my own home and then write something, usually a bad something. I have paid that fee about 16million times over. But progressing in one’s writing career means paying a different kind of fee. You must talk to people – actual people – as opposed to the fictional people I usually talk to.

I recently participated in my local Lit Night, put on by Creative Colloquy. Each literary night, allows time for a roster of readers, and then some open mic time. The Colloquy group is incredibly supportive of writers and encourages an atmosphere of positive support. Participating reminded me that actual people aren’t that bad, and that listening to others works gives perspective on my own. My political party of choice, might Introverts Unite!, but being with other writer’s does give me the warm glow of community that is hard to achieve from my couch. So, if you have the urge to be a literary citizen, I recommend paying the fee – go, interact, don’t build a death star. You’ll have a good time, I promise.

The 4 Question Interview

October 16, 2015/in General Writing

Today Bethany Maines uses her blog space to interview first time novelist J.M. Phillippe about her debut novel Perfect Likeness.

J.M. Phillippe has lived in the deserts of California, the suburbs of Seattle, and the mad rush of New York City. She worked as a freelance journalist before earning a masters’ in social work. She works as a family therapist in Brooklyn, New York and spends her free-time decorating her tiny apartment to her cat Oscar Wilde’s liking, drinking cider at her favorite British-style pub, and training to be the next Karate Kid, one wax-on at a time. You can follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

Q1: J.M. Phillippe tells us a little about your book!

A1: My book is about a woman who is not super happy with her everyday life, so she creates a fantasy version of herself and goes off on adventures in her head. But then one day, the fantasy version of herself becomes real — and begins to haunt her. I really wanted to tap into the feeling a lot of people have of not feeling like who they are and the life they live is “good enough.” What would happen if that little voice in your head stepped out of your head and started talking to you as an actual being?

Q2: As a mystery / adventure writer I was intrigued because I felt that the core of Perfect Likeness was Ally’s unraveling the mystery of what was wrong with her, but the book isn’t a traditional mystery. Have you ever written mysteries or were you inspired by mystery novels?
A2: I love mystery novels and have been reading them since I was a kid. My aunt gave me a complete set of Agatha Christie books and that’s what really started it for me. I particularly like mysteries with strong characters and dark themes, like the Dashiell Hammet books or Elmore Leonard books. But I also love a good sense of humor with my mystery like the Janet Evanovich books. I think ultimately every book has a question it poses, and tries to answer, and there is an element of mystery in more books than people realize. Even the Harry Potter series — every book has a different mystery to solve, but it’s not seen as a “mystery series.” But you also can’t beat a classic “whodunit”.

Q3: What is your number one tip for writing?
A3:The number one tip I can give other writers is to not listen to any voice in — or outside — your head telling you that you’re not good enough, or what you are writing is not good enough. Embrace the drafting process and get something completed before you judge it — and then revise, revise, revise.

Q4: What are book are you working on next?
A4: I am actually working on a sort of zombie story, which is very different than Perfect Likeness, although I’m interested in exploring many of the same themes. It’s called “Infected” and is about a woman who is attacked — and doesn’t get away. I’m really enjoying writing the action scenes.

Perfect Likeness is on sale now!

The Reality of Research

October 14, 2015/in Carrie Mae, General Writing, Girlfriends Book Club, Life

On Sale Nov. 17, 2015!

I don’t always go on vacation, but when I do I prefer to call it research. Part of the fun in writing the Carrie Mae Mysteries featuring a group of super-spy girls is that my characters travel around the world to exotic locales. Which means that if I want to have authenticity in my writing I also need to travel to exotic locales. The problem with this experiential approach to research is that you find yourself thinking, “Where can I find an AR-15 to shoot?” or in the case of my latest manuscript, “Where can I find a plane to jump out of?”

Don’t ask about the boots. I emulate my characters actions, not their keen fashion sense.
As it turns out, the AR-15 is not so hard to find (I called my brother). But jumping out of a plane is a little more expensive and even if you get a Groupon you still only get to tandem jump. And since I have an 18 month old, I don’t really have $200 to throw around on random research. Also, when I mention my new research need (my need for speed) suddenly everyone’s all “But you could die!” Apparently when you become a mother people become even more likely to judge your actions – who knew? And in response I would like to point out that, number one, of course I could die! That’s the point of doing 90% of the fun things in life. And number two, I’m not going to. In 2014 there were 3.2 million jumps and 24 deaths. I’m literally more likely to get hit by bus.

Being the person that I am, that kind of nonsense makes me want to jump out of a plane more just to prove that I won’t die. But that doesn’t change the fact that I still don’t have to $200 to waste on jumping out of a plane for a not truly accurate experience of what it feels like to fly yourself. (But hear this world – I’m not jumping out of a plane because I said so, not because you said so.) But then my genius mother-in-law came up with a great idea (and a great gift): indoor skydiving. It’s a giant wind-tunnel, less than half the cost, and all of the free fall experience. And what did I learn? It’s a lot harder than it looks. And uses a lot more muscles than you might think. And it’s fun. That’s my kind of research.

Chart Watching

August 27, 2015/in General Writing, Life, The Stiletto Gang

He looked at the chart but he look in vain

Heavy cloud but no rain

– Sting, Heavy Cloud No Rain, Ten Summoners Tales

Originally, this was a post about publishing. I’ve been singing this song for the better part of a month feeling that it related to my efforts in self-publishing. Having the ability to have live updated sales results is not really as fun as it sounds. Or at least it’s not good for ongoing peace of mind. The world of publishing has changed. Now every author must do the work that previously was performed by publishing houses – namely, marketing. And the secret thing about marketing that every marketing professional would prefer you not know, is that you can never quite tell what’s going to work. So with every fresh effort, I flip back to the chart to see if there’s rain or not. Some sprinkles, some gushers, some droughts – and that is the way of the writing life now. But there’s more to that song, and the rest of the lyrics are more applicable to the real world right now than they are to any personal concerns I have about my writing and sales.

Turned on the weather man just after the news

I needed sweet rain to wash away my blues

He looked at the chart but he look in vain

Heavy cloud but no rain

Much of the state of Washington, my state, is on fire. This song isn’t much of a metaphor; it’s what we’re all doing. We’re literally out of firefighters and the ones that are on the line are working days in a row with little to no sleep. Firefighters from Australian and New Zealand arrived on Monday to help and we couldn’t be happier to see them. We literally need all the help we can get.

There is a line of mountains between the fires and my house and still the sky is frequently a hazy yellow from smoke. Yesterday, I could look at the sun directly because there was so much smog that it was only a burning circle of orange in the sky.

Sometimes my state feels culturally divided by that chain of mountains, but this fire has turned us all into obsessed weather forecast watchers. My facebook feed is filled with pictures of rain – a virtual rain dance for our home and our friends. Weather forecasting has taken a giant step forward due to computing speeds and modeling, but Washington is still one of the toughest places to forecast. All the data in the world can’t entirely predict if rain is going to fall. We all watch the chart, but so far, heavy cloud, no rain.

So, if you’re a praying person, pray for some rain. If you’re a donating person, you can view this article from local reporter Jesse Jones, for where to send donations. Washington thanks you.

Welcome to Hell

August 25, 2015/in An Unseen Current, General Writing, Girlfriends Book Club, Graphic Design

Promotion, for a writer, is the seventh ring of hell. By nature we are quiet types who like to sit at home in our PJ’s, eating things like cereal and wine out of boxes and inventing people to talk to. (Yes, I’m aware that’s also the description of crazy people, but I don’t think we need to point that out at this juncture – thank you very much.) So promoting the book, being out in the public, is a terrible fate. Only slightly less awful is talking about promotions in front of other authors. (Oh God, oh God, oh God, what if I’ve been doing it wrong? They’re all going to know I’m a fraud!) But since my other job is a graphic designer, I’m privy to a great marketing secret: you can’t do it wrong because none of it works. Or all of it works depending on your point of view.

Legend has it that when Google presented all their brand new ways of tracking online digital ads to Viacom President and one-time ad man Mel Karmazin, he blurted out, “You’re fucking with the magic!” But the paradigm of ads and marketing being more art than science is still more true than anyone would like to admit, even in this age where digital data practically streams from our ears. Digital tracking will accurately tell you when and where a sale was made, but it never fully encompasses why a sale was made. But at the end of the day, one thing is still true, the only sure fire way to make a sale is to tell someone that you have a product for sale. Marketing is just selecting how you’re going to tell someone about your product.

I’m not a marketing expert, but I know enough to get myself in trouble. So I’ve tried a variety of promotional vehicles that break down into three basic categories: on-line, print, and person to person. By far and away the most successful vehicles are person to person. People telling other people, or the author telling someone to go buy their book works better than just about anything else. (I once sold a book to my state representative when she came doorbelling for votes.) But in the end, you can’t reach everyone you might want to reach in person.

My print experience has been minimal and I think we can all agree that newspapers are dying, so I’ll just skip straight to on-line. I’ve tried Facebook ads & boosts, newsletter ads, and google ads, just to name a few. And in my experience, very few of these things work optimally alone. I get the best results when I do multiple things at once – run a sale and an ad, and then boost the sale on Facebook. This shotgun approach makes it hard to track the mythical beautiful data of click-throughs, but it is very clear when I take one channel away that sales dip. The hard part comes at the end, when I must assess the ROI (Return on Investment) and whether or the sales justify the expense of a particular marketing channel.

Each author must find what works for them. My only real words of advice are to keep trying. Keep talking. And keep writing. And by the way, have I mentioned that I have a book on sale? An Unseen Current – a great late summer read for only $4.99.