The Red String of My Mind

In the cop shows, whenever the intrepid detective (Watching the Detectives, Elvis Costello) is working on the massive conspiracy that killed her mother/lover/those six girls we never met, but who really give our character a reason to act, the case is always shown as pictures (Pictures of You, The Cure) tacked up and connected by red string. I donā€™t know what set designer came up with the red string, but they ought to get royalties. Itā€™s so common that if I worked at a craft store and someone bought red string Iā€™d think they were a serial killer, a cop thrown off the force for refusing to quit the case, or a grandmother of toddlers stocking up for Christmas. I bring this up for the reason that it is a fitting visual for the song lyric littered wasteland (Teenage Wasteland, The Who) that is my brain.

Whenever I have a story noodling around in my head, but havenā€™t moved it to the level of having an outline, my natural writing style is to pick out scenes that I want to write, type them up, and save each scene to itā€™s own word document. As you can imagine, this creates a number of random word documents that might be hard to keep track of. But I have a system, most often Iā€™ll name the document the song lyric associated with it. As a book grows, frequently these scenes become chapters, and those document names become chapter titles. Which is why the original table of contents for Bulletproof Mascara, the first of my Carrie Mae Mystery novels, read more like a playlist than serious literary subtitles. Sadly, editor made me change most of them ā€“ now they simply hint at the songs they reference. Apparently, the only people more uptight that literary rights lawyers or music rights lawyers. But you can still rock out to the Bulletproof Mascara playlist simply by visiting my youtube page (youtube.com/CarrieMaeMysteries) ā€“ please enjoy the musical stylings of David Bowie, James Brown, Simon & Garfunkel, Tech9, Morcheeba, and (of course) more.

Originally posted on 7/13/16 at The Stiletto Gang

My Toddler Works for James Patterson

My dad says he invented the skateboard.

He says that he had never before seen or heard of a skateboard when he put a plank on skate wheels. Of course, his invention went no further than a backyard of summer fun, but he still likes to claim his invention when some youth sails by on a long board.

Well, now I feel his pain.Ā  James Patterson, Mr. Prolific himself, is in the process of releasing what heā€™s calling ā€œBook Shotsā€ ā€” novella length works, penned with co-authors, that cost less than five dollars.

You have no idea how annoyed this makes me.

Because it was MY idea.Ā  This month Iā€™m releasing Wild Waters, a novella length paranormal romance (sex scenes!) story.Ā  The genre is outside of my usual brand, but I thought the structure and topic were interesting (reporters, SEALs, Vietnam!). I also thought my readers might enjoy something at a lower price point, but in my style of writing.Ā  I examined the options.Ā  I had the thoughts. Ā I came up with the plan.

And then James Patterson stole it out of my brain!Ā  How dare he use his larger amounts of money, time and fame to launch my idea!Ā  It makes me want to march right over to his house and give him a toddler.Ā  Letā€™s see how fast he can type then.Ā  Toddlers should be like weights for jockeys.Ā  If Vegas gambled on writerā€™s turning in manuscripts on time, Iā€™m sure that they would have developed some sort of toddler distribution system by now. Ā Fortunately, for Mr. Patterson and for me, thereā€™s plenty of room in this world for novellaā€™s and writers of all kinds, with or without toddlers. Good luck to both of us with our tiny books.

 

Originally Published atĀ the Stiletto Gang on 06.08.16

Now is the time…

Late in the month, it seems like almost everyone suddenly wakes up and realizes that the deadlines that seemed so very far away are now, like, almost here, man.Ā  Cue panic.Ā  Cue sudden uptick in workload for yours truly.Ā  The problem is that Iā€™m exactly like everyone else.Ā  Iā€™ve been noodling over several pieces of writing and now the deadline is like, almost here, man!

Now is when the marathon of writing becomes a sprint. Just how fast can fingers type?Ā  Weā€™re about to find out.

Now is also about the time when back pain and carpal tunnel set in.Ā  Time to start juicing writers!Ā  No, I mean literal juicing.Ā  Itā€™s important to stay hydrated ā€“ prevents muscle spasms.Ā  Although, I personally prefer copious amounts of tea, liberally applied, at regular intervals.

Now is the time when the tiny proto-human youā€™ve been carefully nurturing like a hot house bloom looks up from a coloring book and says, ā€œSorry mom, work. Four more minutes.ā€Ā  Gee, wonder where she got that?

Now is the time that my face looks like this:

stressed face

So wish me luck as I sprint to the end of the month.Ā  And wish my family luck as they get abandoned for fake people that I made up.

 

 

Originally published on the Stiletto Gang 05.25.16

Personal Fitness

Originally published at the Stiletto Gang on 05.11.16

Iā€™m going to let you in on a secret ā€“ writing is not for wussies. Itā€™s for old people.

Or at least it makes you feel old. Carpal tunnel. Eye twitches and strains. Aching neck, sore back. The human body was not designed to spend hours sitting at a computer, and the hours compound into stiff muscles that have forgotten how to move. Walking into the kitchen after a prolonged bout of editing, I look like I’ve escaped from the neighborhood old-person jail… er… assisted living facility. I imagine that back when writers were churning out novels by quill and candlelight that it wasnā€™t any better. But at least back then we were likely to die by forty anyway and probably needed to worry more about childbirth and dental hygiene than whether or not our wrists were a tad achy.

I could trot out some line about suffering for my art, but the truth is, I do many things to combat the muscular stress of sitting and writing. First of all, I got married and had a kid. Although, maybe that wasnā€™t quite my intended outcome when I started down the aisle, it has to be said that nothing curtails long hours at a computer like a toddler. However, the things I intentionally do to keep myself from becoming Quasimodo include walking / jogging, stretching and keeping up on my martial arts training. And then I whine and complain until my husband gives me a neck rub. And then when all else fails I break down and pay for a massage.

Below are the most common stretches I do for my wrists. These drawings were actually produced by one of my former employers ā€“ Visual Health Information. They produce drawings for physical therapists and others to give to patients. I have found all of these to be very helpful for my extended typing lifestyle.

wristhand1

Organizing My World(s)

An authorā€™s job is not just to tell a story, but to decide how a story should be told. Is it better in first or third person? Is it told in one long march of words or are their chapters? We have to decide genre, tone and feeling. And once those decisions have been made an author must create and track the main plot of the story – the one that we struggle to capture in the blurb text on the back cover ā€“ as well as the sub-plots, underlying themes, and finally, the characters themselves.Ā  All of those pieces require not just the ability to write, but also the ability to track information. Because, as any serious reader will tell you (sometimes at great length), consistency and details matter greatly to a well written book, and while we can rely on an editor for some items, they are only human and can only catch so much.Ā  It is in an authorā€™s best interest to provide the cleanest manuscript possible.

Iā€™m currently working on two vastly different stories: the fourth Carrie Mae Mystery Glossed Cause and a Romance Horror novella Wild Waters.Ā  Each story comes with an array of characters, research and plot twists that to be perfectly honest I canā€™t hold in my brain.Ā  Possibly pre-production of a toddler I could have kept hold of all the details, but no longer. Now, to keep all my worlds organized, I must rely on a system of notes, plot outlines and spreadsheets.

CM-characterlistFor the Carrie Mae books I track characters with a spread sheet that notes who they are (name, basic role, job or company) and also what book they have appeared in or if they have been deleted or omitted from a book.Ā  I also have a rather extensive style sheet that helps me keep track of how certain things, such as chapter headings are formatted and whether or not Iā€™m consistently formatting things like ā€œAK-47ā€ and ā€œINTERPOLā€ the same way over multiple books.

plot graphFor Wild Waters Iā€™m writing in two different time periods ā€“ WWII and Vietnam Ā­ā€“ and they each use distinctive slang that I organize in a couple of basic lists.Ā  There are also multiple character points of view and it is important to keep track of what characters know and when they know it, so that each plot point is revealed at the correct time.Ā Tracking character arcs are more difficult and sometimes require multiple ways of visualizing.Ā  I will frequently write out the plot from each characters point of view or I will graph it out on a virtual whiteboard, utilizing the main plot points.

There is no perfect system of course, and each author must work the way that works for them. But when examining a well-written book, I am frequently in awe, not just of the beautifully constructed words or strong turn of phrase, but the underlying construction of a book.Ā  Sometimes, I find it amazing that any books get written at all.

Bethany’s Rules for Marketing

In my quest for world book domination I frequently peruse tips on how to better market myself/books.Ā  Some come up with some interesting strategies that are worth pursuing and then thereā€™s this listā€¦

Top-10-Book-Marketing-TipsI wonā€™t mention the name of the blog I found it on because I donā€™t believe in public shaming.Ā  But letā€™s just assess a few of the items on this list shall we?

Comment on Blogs ā€“ The theory is that you will become recognized and friends with other blog commenters as well as those running the blog and then you will RISE TO FAME!Ā  Orā€¦ not. Ā Of course, having additional friends will help you expand your fan base.Ā  But pursuing that strategy for the sake of selling books is so lacking in any genuine feeling that it will actually turn people against you.

Bethany Rule #1 ā€“ always be your best self online.Ā  Only comment on a blog if you have something interesting and positive to add to the conversation. Trolls donā€™t sell books.

Create a Viral Video ā€“ Letā€™s just hop right on that shall we?Ā  Weā€™ll get out or cell phones and film our cats and then, bam, done!Ā  As this article on Slate indicates, only 10% of YouTube videos get more than 1000 views. Ā Videos these days are higher in quality and there a simply MORE of them out there than in the beginning days of social media. Hereā€™s my attempt at a viral video ā€“ itā€™s awesome, you should watch it.Ā  But I only paid for food for the crew and a make-up artist to make the video happen, everything else was done in trade.Ā  I felt comfortable with my investment Ā and I view the video as a great sales tool to introduce people to my book series, but I never counted on it going viral.

Bethany Rule #2 ā€“ if you have to pay a lot of money for a product that youā€™re going to giveaway for free, itā€™s probably not worth it.

Go on National TV ā€“ Yup, Iā€™m just going to dial up Oprah right now, promise her some bread, and book myself on National TV.Ā  Getting air time, particularly on a National level, is one of the things that happens when youā€™re ALREADY famous.Ā  Thereā€™s a reason Donald Trump has ceased to advertise.Ā  Heā€™s getting 15% of the national news time (according to a recent news piece I saw on my local news) and 50% of the election coverage.Ā  He doesnā€™t NEED to advertise. Ā Ā Iā€™m not recommending that you be Donald Trump ā€“ one is more than enough ā€“ but being getting air time is something that you either pay for, or you get because your famous for something already.

Bethany Rule #3 ā€“Ā work to be locally famous.Ā  Join groups.Ā  Send press releases.Ā  Volunteer to judge writing contests.Ā  Talk to people.Ā  Network and connect ā€“ people sell books.

The internet is full of many tips, some are more helpful than others. Ā I just hope that you find mine a little more helpful than the one from the blog that shall remain nameless.

Equal Rights for Positives

A funny thing happens when you read your own reviews ā€“ you start thinking about them.

Iā€™m about a month away from completing the manuscript for Glossed Cause, the fourth book in the Carrie Mae Mystery Series, and I made the mistake of checking out a few of the reviews on High-Caliber Concealer (CM #3).Ā  I knew it was a bad idea.Ā  Itā€™s always a bad idea.Ā  What happens when I get to a bad one, hmmm?Ā  Itā€™s not like I can look the reviewer up, knock on their door and explain how monumentally wrong they are.Ā  But you think, ā€œIā€™ll just look at the good ones.Ā  Just one.Ā  I can stop there.ā€

You know this a total lie, right? Reviews are like Pringles for the eyes.Ā  Like I can stop with just one.Ā  I open up Amazon, Iā€™m looking andā€¦ then I read this: ā€œIf you enjoy reading about Stephanie Plum, you’ll love Nicki! Maines is getting better with each book.ā€

And I thought, ā€œHell, yeah!ā€ <insert fist pump here>

Just one?Ā  But I have popped ā€“ I cannot stop. I should read more!

Eventually, of course, I got to one with a complaint. Iā€™d spent too much time on Nikkiā€™s personal life. Gah! But, but, butā€¦ Glossed Cause is about her FATHER (among other things). Ā What do I dooooooo????

tumblr_m9vkj4yn981rbb9gno1_500

 

Now Iā€™m stuck staring at the screen, half way through the book, trying to figure out if I should turn the ship or stay the course.Ā  ā€œStay the course!ā€ my internal editor yells.Ā  But itā€™s hard to hear over the crashing waves of doubt.

I was complaining a negative comment on another project to my husband he said, ā€œWell, I think it was awesome and my vote counts more.ā€Ā  <insert lightbulb going on here>

Why do the negatives get more votes?Ā  Shouldnā€™t the positives get equal rights?Ā  Hereā€™s what I and anyone else who is stuck in this trap are going to do:Ā  Weā€™re going to go back, weā€™re going to read the first positive review, and weā€™re going to believe that one.Ā  Because Maines really is getting better with every book.

There’s a Double Meaning in That

In Much Ado About Nothing Beatrice and Benedick, the worst of rivals, are set up by their friends to fall in love.Ā  So that by Act 2, Scene 3, when Beatrice says, ā€œAgainst my will I am sent to bid you come into dinner,ā€ Ā Benedick believes that Beatrice is madly in love with him, while Beatrice believes him to be an ass.Ā  After she exits, he says in all smugness, ā€œHa! Against my will I am sent to bid you come in to dinner. Thereā€™s a double meaning in that.ā€

Someone I know once asked an English teacher how he knew the author intended the symbolism the teacher was accusing him of.Ā  The teacher replied, ā€œIt doesnā€™t matter.ā€Ā  As an author this makes me want to poke him in the eye just a little bit.Ā  But in the end heā€™s right; stories mean something to a reader independent of the writerā€™s intentions.Ā  Each reader brings their own experiences to a book and a writer canā€™t predict them.Ā  So how can an author prevent his readers from pulling a Benedick and seeing double meanings where none are intended?

Itā€™s a very secret and advanced technique called (wait for it): educated guessing.Ā  And good beta readers.Ā  As an author I try to learn about other points of view, so that I can write stronger more realistic characters and then I rely on my writers group to read through a piece and throw up flags around text that might unintentionally carry a subtext thatā€™s either offensive or poorly thought out.Ā  Itā€™s hard to think that something Iā€™ve written could be construed as offensive, because after all, I am I and Iā€™m awesome and I have only the best of intentions.Ā  But we all have prejudices or periodically spout unexamined notions that have been fed to us by society.

An easy example is ā€œpink is only for girlsā€.Ā  This statement is both observationally false (been to the mall lately?), and historically inaccurate (pink used to be a boys color). Color is a product of light bouncing off a surface or being absorbed (we see the portion of the spectrum bounced back); any deeper meaning has been assigned to a color by humanity. So unless my character is a sexist and I need him or her to say total nonsense about gender roles, I probably shouldnā€™t write that and a good beta reader should flag it as a problem.Ā  With any luck I can keep the unintentional double meanings to a minimum. Ā I donā€™t want to be a Benedick.

Everybody Rotate

Itā€™s almost time to change the art in my office.Ā  Iā€™ve had the same art since I moved in five years ago and itā€™s now covered in layers of other art.Ā Ā  Itā€™s time to relocate, re-shuffle and change up.Ā  Maybe you are not one of the people who feels that deep need to redecorate periodically, but I happen to have it in my genes.Ā  Returning home to find my mother peeling wallpaper was cause for eyerolling, but not surprise.Ā  It works both ways though.Ā  On more than one occasion in my teen years I decided to re-arrange my bedroom after midnight.Ā  My mother never once questioned these decisions.Ā  Because she fully understands that sometimes life would just be better if the furniture were NOT where it is right now.

These are also good occasions for spring cleaning and decluttering.Ā  Someone once said that clutter items are just decisions you didnā€™t make.Ā  If you had decided where that item needed to go, it wouldnā€™t be lingering there on the desk or kitchen table.Ā  Although, I suspect that the person who originated that idea never had children.Ā  Because the garbage can is not lingering on top my desk; itā€™s hiding from my toddler.

The problem with decluttering art, is that Iā€™m either removing my own work or the work of an artist I admire.Ā  Itā€™s unfortunate, but apparently, I cannot have ALL the art, ALL the time.Ā  Iā€™m not a Getty.Ā  I donā€™t get to have my own museum.Ā  This makes me infinitely sad.Ā  My perfect house would probably look like a library mated with the Guggenheim and married the Orsay.Ā  Unfortunately my current house looks more like the product of a library and a 1910 bungalow who married a carpenter in the 1950ā€™s. Which means we have books in piles and art in piles and we had to remove the weird scalloped molding over the sink when we moved in.

So some art will have to go back in the closet and some new pieces will have to get matted for display.Ā  And then, maybe, I can get back to writing.

Holiday Strategy

Itā€™s that time of year again. The holidays.Ā  Starbucks is apparently hating Jesus because they continued their paired back design aesthetic and put out simple red cups.Ā  (Yes, because from Hellā€™s heart they stab at Christians with a red cup filled with the artfully foamed blood of the saints ā€“ muwahhahahahah!!) Black Friday ads are starting to pop up everywhere (stampede!!) and relatives are booking flights and scrambling to arrange schedules so that everyone can see everyone and be annoyed by everyone all in a very short amount of time.

As yet, I have made no moves on the great holiday game board. Iā€™m still trying to determine strategy. Do I try and ride the ā€œI have a babyā€ thing for another year and do practically nothing? Or do I pull out all the stops and try to get the best gifts EVER for everyone?Ā  Should I shoot for every holiday party Iā€™m invited to, or do I try and find out everyoneā€™s dates in advance and RSVP according to the level of food awesomeness at each?Ā  Generally, I try and do a really fun Christmas card, but that takes energy, forethought, and great idea for some artwork.Ā  Maybe Iā€™ll just skip that one and move straight to the Christmas letter stage where I make friends and relatives barf with the saccharine sweetness and absolute perfection of my life. BECAUSE YOUR ENVY FEEDS MY SOUL. Thatā€™s definitely what the holidays are all about, right?

Below are the following factors Iā€™m using for determining my holiday event strategy:

  1. Ā Pie.Ā 
  • Is there pie? Ā Ā If the answer is yes, move to the top of the list.
  • Is it home made?Ā  If the answer is no, then I donā€™t go.

 

  1. Ā Sleep.
  • Will it cause my baby to be awake far longer than a tiny human should be?Ā  If the answer is yes, your event will not be considered.Ā  Unless there is enormous amounts of pie.

 

  1. Ā Husband.
  • On a scale of 1 to 10, how badly is he going to complain about this event? Ā If the answer is ballet, then he will not be attending.
  • Can I bribe him with pie?

 

What are your strategies for coping with the oncoming storm?Ā  Hunker down or go fly a kite?Ā  What is your favorite way to do the holidays?