The Navy SEALs must pass through something called Hell Week in order to become an actual SEAL. If they can’t take Hell Week they can always ring the bell that signals that they are opting out and then they get coffee and donuts. For five and a half days the SEAL candidates are expected to operate on four hours of sleep while being cold, wet, and presumably yelled at (since no one seems to do anything in the military without being yelled at). To this I say… What pansies.
OK, the cold and wet does sound miserable. But try operating for three months on four hours of sleep while being constantly yelled at and then having someone puke in your pants. And in your hair. And on just about everything else. Then we’ll talk. OK, OK, so you can snap a man’s neck with your bare hands. I can shoot milk out my boob. What else you got?
All kidding aside, one of the unfortunate side effects of becoming a mother (or probably a Navy SEAL) is that sleep is immediately curtailed. Which makes lots of things, for instance, writing novels and running a business, more difficult.
Side effects of prolonged sleep deprivation include:
- Weight Gain
- Loss of Sex Drive
- Impaired Alertness, Concentration, and Problem Solving
- Aging Skin
- Memory Loss
- Greater chances of death due to accidents
- Greater chances of other health problems
It’s not that being a mom is so difficult; it’s that being anything else, while being a mom just increased in difficulty due to our adorable little time sucking children and the constant sleep deprivation. Which makes every word I type a minor triumph. I will not be ringing the bell today.
PS Please forgive any typos I may make. I blame them on my daughter.
Originally Published at www.girlfriendsbookclub.org
This month we’re blogging about our characters dossier with the idea that they’re filling out an online dating profile. My series, the Carrie Mae Mysteries, features an all female spy organization run by a make-up company with the goal of women everywhere. My main character, Nikki Lanier, a top level Carrie Mae agent, also happens to be dating a CIA agent. And with all those spies running around, I had to create dossiers on my characters just to keep track of their cover stories. Go to Top Secret, to get the inside scoop on all things Carrie Mae – from characters dossiers to gadgets.
But as I sat down to type up Nikki’s details for this blog I started to wonder, just how strong was my dossier? I think I’ve created a very real character, but how good a job have I done? So in the interest of “science” I went to chemistry.com and took their free personality test as Nicole Lanier. And it came back that Nikki is (drumroll please): A negotiator / director. (See below for further explanation). Which I think nailed the character pretty well. Of course, if I were really interested in “science” I’d set up one for her boyfriend and see if the computer god’s matched them up…
THE NEGOTIATOR (PRIMARY TYPE): You are imaginative. You are emotionally expressive and share your feelings. The big picture is what interests you most, and you like to assemble facts and focus on larger concepts. When you make decisions, you often think things through very carefully, weighing all the options before deciding what to do. People are important to you and you prefer to build intimate attachments with others, connecting on a deeply personal level.
Agreeable and unassuming, you can be very intuitive, and you generally prefer win-win situations that protect social harmony. You are very good at reading people, and this includes facial expressions as well as vocal inflections. You excel at what scientists call synthesizing, which means you collect lots of data and then find patterns that lead to larger concepts.
THE DIRECTOR (SECONDARY TYPE): You are very independent and admire self-control. Analytical, skeptical and exacting, you can be tough-minded and decisive. You enjoy competing and achieving, and you are usually mathematically or mechanically skilled. You generally have a few very close friends, rather than a big social circle.
Recently my daughter learned to crawl. She’s six months old, so basically any time she learns something it’s “recently”. But as she learns new tricks she forces my husband and I to adapt (and hopefully overcome). Sadly, in our sleep deprived state we find ourselves relying on the training we did with our previous “child.”
As she learns new things my mind reaches out for words that will get the result I want. Ack! She’s chewing on a power cord! Drop it! It works on the dog, so my brain now auto selects for those oh, so useful training phrases. Sadly, the phrases mean less than nothing to my daughter. The only one she obeys is “stay” and that’s only if she’s strapped in the car seat. As a result my dog, Kato, thinks I got the runty, stupid puppy of the litter. I can practically see the thought bubble over his head. “Look human puppy, I am demonstrating what to do. Figure it out!” The tiny daughter’s thought bubble says, “Look at those shiny eyeballs; if I could pluck them out, it might be fantastic. Why is the fuzzy one leaving?” Which is a terrible way to treat a dog who is trying his best to be supportive.
Kato performs many important baby related jobs. There is the “I alert you to the fact that the baby is crying.” (Believe me Kato, we know.) There is the extremely useful butt check. Kato, would you like to smell this butt? Oh, you would? Must be time for a diaper change. And the adorable guard dog duty. He is not quite sure why the human puppy hasn’t been weaned to dog food, but if I’m going to insist on breastfeeding her, then he will do his best to guard us while we’re vulnerable.
But she is learning. She now knows her name and his name, and she knows where the dog food is and how delightful it is to spill it all over the floor. So while the dog thinks she’s dumb, I can see the day coming when he will realize that her little monkey fingers are useful to help him get the delicious human food he desires. Hopefully, by then she will also know what “sit,” “stay” and “drop it” mean.